The Ole’ Ball and Chain...and Other Marriage Musings

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.

~ Henry Louis Mencken

Why is it when some people hear that someone is newly engaged they immediately think “another one bites the dust”? What is it with the idea of marriage that prompts the notions of a last night of freedom, visions of being in the “doghouse,” arguments with a jealous spouse and overall views of single friends as being the “lucky ones?” Some feel that they need to keep their own separate and independent identities in fear that without their individual fulfillment their marriage would not survive. Marriage is NOT a death sentence then again marriage is also not for everyone but I would like to think that when you find that special someone and decide to tie that proverbial knot, you are in it for the right reasons and that all the “negatives” of being married are nothing but an urban legend. I have come to question at times exactly why I was made to feel that I was “missing out” on the key to being one of those marriage complainers?

Why do I have nothing to be chronically upset about, jealous of, or otherwise sour about when thinking of my own marriage? I heard that it was because we were still in the “honeymoon phase,” some made comments that made us (as a couple) feel that we were immature, overly dependent on one another, and still others even went as far and used the term “selfish” when we (my husband and I) put our feelings and the values of our marriage and children ahead of all else when dealing with situations. Let me put it on record that I feel that my husband is one of those truly wonderful men. He is simply THE BEST. He is one of those chick flick “nice guys” (you know the type: a perfect mix of best friend, comedian, psychologist, romantic and athlete all tied up in a neat little box).

We have an AMAZING time traveling the world together and keep one another laughing constantly and obsessivly quoting our favorite movies until one of us cracks up uncontrolably. We are so open and honest with one another that it makes some of our family members uncomfortable-but for us it works. We had our first date, fell madly in love and were engaged all within the whirlwind of 4 months. We were met with some enthusiasm, some shock, a smattering of disbelief and a touch of “what were you thinking?” We didn’t care...the old saying “when you know you know” kept repeating in our heads...and we have never looked back since. Now, many moves, two kids and five years later we are still truly, madly and deeply happy with one another-so WHY do others’ words still haunt me?? In my most recent and predictable monthly stop at the “self help” section of the library, I picked up the book Lucky in Love by Catherine Johnson Ph.D. I wasn’t even 20 pages in when I finally had my “ah ha” moment. The author made a reference to couples that are thriving (basically “alive” to their partner; emotionally, intellectually, physically present in the other’s existence and profoundly and passionately involved with one another) as “vital couples”. “...love at first sight is a real phenomenon, the only qualifier being that vital couples have more to go on than just sight alone. For them it is more a case of love at first exchange. From the first moment these men and women speak, they fall into the rhythms and cadences of long familiarity. For many, this feeling never fades.” So as we met at a local bar, shared a few laughs about some awkward situations we were put in, and cheered for our Yankees five years ago today, we were unknowingly becoming one of those well kept secrets in our own anti-happily-ever-after society.

We are one another’s better half and now I know that I shouldn’t be ashamed to proudly announce it... “ I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain. But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera.” Well actually I just have a computer and a blog so....here is to the next 5 years and all those other happily ever afters out there!! <3 U M :)

Ciao 4 Now

~L