It’s Nothing Personal.....

I read an article recently that stated that the original purpose of social networking sites was “to reinforce established friendships and form bonds with new friends” and this got me thinking if this is REALLY what is being accomplished or has it made us as a society completely passive when it comes to forming and strengthening interpersonal relationships with others. Two times last week alone, people claimed to “know” me....I mean, I AM kind of a big deal (at least in my mind) but recently, after thinking a lot about (and being a little disappointed by) the relationships that have been strained in my life as an indirect result of social networking sites I wanted to re-evaluate the balance of my virtual and real life worlds.

Let’s get this straight....just because a friend of a friend of a neighbor’s dog walker’s uncle is a facebook friend of yours that by proxy DOES NOT mean that they “know” you. If you have read a post or a blog or seen a tagged picture of a person on someone else's page....it doesn't mean you know them. Aside from the fact that you virtually need a security clearance and must provide a DNA sample to even see my page if you are not within my Circle of Trust....I wonder what has happened to interpersonal relationships that a simple phone call has become extinct. I am not just talking about friends and acquaintances here...it has sadly tricked down to family members as well....just because you see and read about what we are doing it doesn’t make up for the fact that before (in this case) facebook came into our lives...we used to have to actually talk about, ask about and fight about things face to face-or at least over the phone. Will it ever be the same again?

For those of you who really “know” me...you would know that when you start a sentence “Hey I saw your post today” or “Yeah I read about it on your page” it not only makes me cringe but actually I must admit I start to see red. The fact that I have actually had real life people that know me in the physical and not only in the virtual sense (and in some cases are related to me) comment about hospital visits, the birth of a child(ren) and a plethora of other major “real life” happenings that they read about on facebook makes me wonder how connected we are as a society to the internet has actually made us lose connectivity with the real world. I have checked my phone...it still works...imagine that!!

People (yes, and I am as guilty as the next person) have began making the mistake of believing that since it is so easy to connect with others online, these online relationships are more

intimate and meaningful than they really are. In my opinion we have started to lose touch with“real” relationships and we need to regain that balance before it is too late.

We waste so much time writing, posting, commenting and liking things on people’s pages that maybe you forget that some of these people you would never even speak to if you saw them at the grocery store. We compare ourselves to others, we keep tabs on who is going where and with whom and we think that we can post anything and everything and it is “safe.” I will be the FIRST to admit that I was getting so wrapped up in the virtual world that I began losing sight of my priorities.

After some intense idiotic drama that was being fueled by nothing other than social networking...this New Year’s I made a clear concise resolution and stuck to it for once....I went offline....I deactivated my account, took it off my blackberry and took a break from my beloved guilty pleasure facebook. It was torture!! At first it was like a drug addict coming clean-I had withdrawals, I was anxious and felt as if I was “missing out” on something. I began missing my “friends” and thought that I would never be able to keep in touch with the people I left behind when I moved out of the country. I was sick about it, I couldn’t sleep, I was angry at the people who I felt caused me to take down my profile and I refused to go back online at the fear that the drama would begin all over again. I decided that I would not allow myself to reactivate my account until after I felt like I could handle being back I made rules for myself and it helped me keep in touch with the people who are truly meaningful in my life and really put my relationships into perspective.

Being the OCD person that I am, I made an outline of my defriending policy and actually made myself click THAT button. “Are you sure you want to remove_______as your friend?” click Ummmm...here we go..... “Remove from Friends” click...I started going through the stages of grief but then I regained my focus and it was then an addiction....I began going through the 200-something “friends” and asking myself “WHY on earth are YOU here??”

-anyone I do not see (or care to see) on a regular basis here in Spain or back in the States-click

-anyone who does not call our home to chat and wouldn’t even know my phone number if they WANTED to call -click

-anyone who is a facebook “friend” from my past but not a real life friend that facebook has allowed me to reconnect with and rebuild a real life friendship with -click

-any family members that used facebook as their ONLY means of SPYING....I mean.....“keeping up” with our life and would be overly critical of anything remotely personal that I posted -click

-anyone who uses their page as a personal homage to what a great person they are and posts things that are inappropriate and/or extremely judgmental -click

Thus my 2011 defriending campaign began-not out of mean spirited ideals but as a way of proving to myself that it was easy to say that these people are my friends when in reality....we were nothing short of strangers.

I felt better about the whole situation. I was refreshed energized and when I felt ready I reactivated my account (a hundred plus lighter). I DID receive some VERY negative feedback from some family members whom shall remain nameless. Though I was upset that such hurtful words and judgements on my character were hurled my way and in some cases out of NOWHERE from people that think they “knew” me....I have come to thoroughly understand (in recent years) jealousy, negativity and downright meanness in their raw forms-it’s not pretty. My response to all of it???NOTHING AT ALL-radio silence....I will not buy into any drama on the internet anymore I am sure that by now the guilty parties have seen the error of their ways but unfortunately once you use the internet to do your dirty work it is there (and saved) until the end of time.

My resolution is still one of my top priorities and I am still working hard to prove to myself that I can do it...I have made it a point to call rather than post/email/text, I (try to) get my birthday/thank you/get well/thinking of you cards out on time, I have limited my online time and am working on fostering my real life relationships with people who play a positive and valuable role in my life. I feel good about it and for all of the “friends” out there that I let go in the process.....I hope they know that it’s nothing personal.

Ciao 4 Now

~L