I really have to take a moment and share how overwhelmed and proud I am of Sean. This morning, as he was beginning his normal "I dont want to get dressed" routine before school and I felt myself getting upset, I thought back to this past Wednesday and realized what an exceptional 4 year old he really is. For those of you who know our quirky, animated first born, you know that he (and his little high pitched voice) NEVER stop. Though he is only 4, something I often forget, he is truly wise beyond his years and has developed a sense of self and level of empathy that many adults may never reach. Last week we were saddened to hear that Mike's grandfather had passed away. Sean had met his great-grandfather (Nonno) many times and often asked about him and shared memories of being at his home. The last visit we made to New York, Nonno was in a rehab center due to his failing health and for a while we pondered whether or not to bring Sean to visit. After reading countless articles, speaking to a few friends and ultimately weighing the pros and cons of bringing the boys to see Nonno, Mike and I decided that we would. Some questioned our decision since the boys are young and Nonno's condition wasn't necessarily the best for them to see him in, but knowing our values and our children, we went ahead and decided that we were making the right decision. When we told Sean that we were going to visit Nonno in the "hospital" he was overjoyed and innocently responded with "I want to bring him a cupcake." This unfortunately opened a whole conversation as to what he may see when we got there. We had to be honest with our boy about what to expect, not going into too much detail, but preparing him that Nonno could no longer speak to him or even give him a hug and that he may be just resting when we got there but we could sit and talk to him and share some time together. When we arrived at the rehab center, Sean was nervous upon seeing Nonno in the bed so we didn't force him to come in. He instead went for a walk for a little bit but eventually wanted to come in and see him. It was a very special moment because Nonno got, not only to meet his newest great-grandson and spend time with the older two, but was blowing Sean kisses and so we knew that he knew that he was there with him. That was the last time we got to see Nonno. When he passed away, Mike had the brave task of breaking the news to Sean. We again, did some research, questioned our own approach and beliefs and decided on what and how we would break the news to him. We were honest and straightforward with our son avoiding sugar coating the situation and stuck to concrete and age appropriate language. He understood (as well as a 4 year old can) and went on to have a discussion about God and Jesus and things that he was hearing at Chapel or during Bible story at school he expressed that he understood that death is inevitable but naturally was still sad. We were back and forth about the next decision of whether or not it was appropriate to have Sean attend the funeral. Mike originally was on the fence, I was supportive of his wishes however honestly felt that Sean was the type of child that would be able to handle this at this time in his life. Our decision was questioned by a few, and rightfully so, I agree that some parents don't always think things through when deciding what their children can and can't "handle" so I accepted the questions and responded that we had wholeheartedly thought the situation and any future ramifications through thoroughly and decided that bringing Sean with us to say goodbye to Nonno was going to be ok. Again, we explained to Sean what he would see when we got the funeral home and prepared him that many people would be sad, and some would be crying and that it was perfectly natural to be sad and cry (or even not to cry) but we would all be there to say our final goodbyes to Nonno. When we arrived at the Funeral home that morning he assessed the situation from the back of the room and decided that he did not want to go up to the casket (which was expected and totally fine by us) he instead hung back and interacted with other family members. At a point I felt a tug on my dress only to look down into his big blue eyes as he asked to go up and see Nonno. The three of us, hand in hand, knelt down, said a prayer and Sean bravely said goodbye and that he would miss him. It was at that moment I realized how exceptional he truly is and how sometimes the day to day stress of parenting was completely worth it in that tiny moment. We went back to the same church with the same Priest where Sean was baptized and he sat through the church services without a sound, joined us in the long limo ride to the cemetery, and was still and respectful through the burial and after he solemnly placed his rose on the casket, it's as if he knew who needed the most love right at that moment because he let go of our hands and whispered that he was going to give Nanny (Mike's Grandmother) a hug. As he walked over and stood with her, at that very moment I was reassured that bringing him was not only the right decision, but he may have actually provided a little extra comfort to his great-grandmother in what surely was the hardest day of her life. Nonno will be missed but will live on in the memories that we have of him.
