Pack it up, pack it in....

I remember back in the 6th grade, we had to do a “How To” project.  Our assignment was to come into class and teach our classmates about how to do something that we felt we were a master of.  I had it in the bag....literally!! I knew before my teacher finished telling us about the assignment what I was the master of-and to this day I am still the reigning champion of packing a suitcase (I know-über glam and super fabulous talent...E! is thinking of making a reality series about my super human packing abilities once they can get over this Kardashian Katastrophe).  I am no novice when it  comes to the world of travel...heck, my mantra is “home is where our suitcases are” so packing for anything whether it be a day at the zoo, a weekend trip to Morrocco or a three month stay in China-has become second nature.  In less than a week, I will be traveling the friendly skies-yet again, but this time I am homeward bound... NY baby!!  Traveling with two children adds to it a dimension of deranged frenzy and a super dose of anxiety inducing uncertainty that I have LEARNED (the hard way) that you can NEVER be too prepared when packing for the kids.  My survival pack carry-on bag is put together weeks in advance with meticulous perfection and each and every thing that goes into it has a reason for being there.  There was only one time when Sean transformed into a possessed flight demon, screaming, crawling under the seats and squirming out of our frantic sweaty palms- pleading to get off the plane (turns out he had an ear infection) but for the most part we get the comments when it comes time to disembark “I didn’t even know there were kids sitting there” or  “Your kids are great travelers”  and for this I have nothing to thank but my survival pack carry-on bag. I will walk you through the products that keep my kids from being “those kids” on the airplane and keep our fellow flyers free from back of the seat kicks (a la Kindergarten Cop) and fierce in-flight meltdowns.

NOTE:These products are tried and true and work for MY children...obviously each child is different but these are some suggestions on what both a 1 and 3 year old can be occupied with for a flight while not becoming a pack mule :)

 Children’s Books-  I always try and pack a few good old-fashioned children’s books that pertain to flying, our destination or an upcoming holiday.  This flight I have packed Thanksgiving books and books about New York...it helps add to the excitement of the flight and what they may see/experience when they get to their destination.  Also it makes it easy to have some books on hand for bedtime reads when you get to where you are going!

Crayons, Crayons and MORE Crayons!!- Inevitably, you will lose 50% of the crayons (that is a scientific fact) you bring with you on a plane to the black hole under your seat so be sure to have back ups...I tend to bring multiple packs of the basic 4 (think what the kids get at Applebee’s or Friday’s) you can buy them in bulk (orientaltrading.com) and they are great to tote in your bag for a spontaneous art session.

Paper-I pack both construction paper and computer paper so that the kids have a choice of what they can create their masterpieces on 

Magnadoodle- I have one for each child-because you can be sure that the moment one wants to doodle, the other will want to doodle...they come in great mini sizes now so the smaller the better-no mess no clean up and the pen is attached so no dropping and fishing for writing tools

Water Wow!-A good friend of mine gave Sean WaterWows as part of his birthday gift this year, and since then they are a staple in my bag at ALL TIMES!! WaterWows (if you have not had the pleasure of watching your children use them) they are mess free doodle pages that allows the kids to color with nothing but a little bit of water and after they are done the picture dries so they can color again & again.  They also come in many different character options :)  

Activity books-I prefer the Kumon or Gakken Workbooks they offer an array of tracing, cutting, number, matching games etc. that will keep kids busy for a while-they are designed so that parents can work along with children while developing certain skills and monitor their progress.  Think of it as home schooling on an airplane :)

Flashcards-There are a number of ways flashcards can be used, naming, identifying, matching, grouping just to name a few.  I keep three separate decks with me, Numbers, Letters and Colors-all with familiar characters (ie Backyardigans, Mickey Mouse & Sesame Street)

Stickers-Whether you use them as an incentive, for decorating a picture or as a grouping or counting activity-stickers (especially the mini ones that have a ton on one sheet) are a cheap and easy way to entertain on a flight

Play-doh-Ok so some would say I am crazy!! Play-doh was such a hit with my kids the first time I packed it for a flight that it became a staple of my bag.  I bring the mini containers and in a few different colors...they are great for creating a whole zoo on your tray table and the kids sensory skills are awakened with every pat, poke & squeeze.

Wikki Stix-You may be saying Wikki What?? But they are one of the many treasures that I discovered along the road as a classroom teacher.  Wikki Stix are (in their most simple form) wax coated yarn.  They are wonderful for shaping letters, numbers, animals and pretty much anything you can imagine.  They stick to one another and will also stick to a tray table or piece of paper but don’t make little hands sticky!  The best part about them is that they are reusable and come in an array of colors (my kids like the neon the best).  You can use them to “circle” pictures in books (or in the in flight magazines) for an impromptu game of “I Spy” and when you are done, peel the off and  throw them back into a plastic bag and they are ready to come along on your next adventure.

Some form of portable movie playing system- WHAT...YOU THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY SOURCE OF IN FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT FOR MY KIDS??? Not so much.  We always come well stocked with every movie that our children have ever watched because chances are the only one you don’t pack is the one they will be asking for as soon as you reach your cruising altitude.  NOTE:  In all of our past flights we have always packed our portable DVD player and our case with the kid’s movies...this is becoming a bit heavy (and the DVDs are getting lost or scratched along the way...not to mention the pirated legally obtained since we live in Spain downloaded movies that won’t play on the portable DVD systems so we are trying a different approach this time. We are loading all the kids movies onto our iPad and using this instead (with the ultimate goal of purchasing an older generation iPad to use just for when we travel)

iPod (or another music player) I found that the excitement of being invited to listen to mom or dad’s iPod was unmatched!! The kids see us with our iPods ALL the time, on the way to the gym, while loading music on them and when they are left charging around the house...they are also instructed to “never touch the iPods” so when I surprised Sean once by asking him if he wanted to listen to music he was besides himself.  Don’t worry, he wasn’t left to rap along with Kanye...I had already pre-loaded a kids playlist (Sesame street favorites, Raffi etc.) that he delightfully listened to and noted that he looked like a “big kid.`”

Headphones (for kids)-  My kids get REALLY frustrated when their headphones continually fall off their little heads while trying to watch their favorite flick (or listening to some sweet tunes) that was, until I I found out that Sony makes kid’s headphones that not only stay put on those little noggins BUT they are also designed to play at lower volumes so that there is no risk of damaging those little ear drums.  So far they have worked great!! 

 A little surprise- I WISH I still lived by dollar stores but in the case that you have exhausted all of the above items and you still have time before your final descent, I find that packing a little surprise that the kids have never seen before is a nice little trick.  I especially like little sets of inexpensive legos, a new plastic animal, a travel game or anything that you know your kids may like, is small enough to hide in your bag but packs a powerful response.

The blatantly OBVIOUS yet extremely important items......

Comfort items-  Whatever it is that your child brings to bed with them each and every night (or carries with them throughout the day) BETTER be in that Mary Poppins bag of yours and you BETTER keep track of it (lest you run the risk of having to order ANOTHER “Froggy” off of Amazon the minute you get home from the airport and express shipping it to yourself explaining to your child that he wanted to take an extended vacation and he would be back in a couple of days relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated...again, learned that one the hard way).  Comfort items keep a little bit of home with my kids wherever in the world they are and moreover, help soothe them to sleep if they are feeling a bit anxious.

A change of clothes-high altitude has done some weird things to little tummies so I suggest a full on extra set of clothes just in case there are some mishaps. I find that Crocs (though not the most fashionable) are the easiest shoes for younger kids to wear while traveling (getting them through security faster as well) and they can also be rinsed out just in case anything was to leak into them (not going any further with that one-trust me)

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!! Part of our pre-flight ritual is bringing our children to the food store and allowing them to choose (within reason) any sort of special airplane snacks their little hearts desire.  I especially encourage parents to keep fruit snacks on hand for take off and landing (obviously for children who are old enough to eat them) back in the day we were encouraged to chew gum but fruit snack have the same effect to offset the pressure and help those little ears “pop.”  I like to get prepackaged snacks (like the little 100 calorie bags) so that you wont run the risk of a whole bag of (insert messy snack food here) getting accidentally dumped into the lap of the sleeping businessman to your left.

Airplane Avoidances:

-Musical/noisemaking toys-your fellow passengers will thank you

-Small toy cars (like matchbox)- they ALWAYS roll where you can’t reach them and if accidentally flung at the person behind you, it’s gonna leave a mark

Hope you picked up at least one thing you would use on your next trip!  Happy, safe travels! 

Home for the holidays...

Ok so I may not have been born in my little sleepy town but I spent the greater part of my life there and now, just a week away from going home I am trying to keep my jittery anticipation under control.  I grew up in a very small, very close family, where it wasn't the size or price tag on the event or gift that made it special but instead it was the tradition that went into planning and the memories that were created that made each and every gift and event so unique and memorable.  I may not be seen as a "traditional" kind of girl but I certainly hold traditions as an important aspect of my family's life and my children's upbringing.  The holiday season is creeping up on us (though for some, it has started already) and there is NO place in the world that I would rather be to celebrate the holidays than in New York.  There is just something about the feeling of joy that comes over me when experiencing New York in it's Sunday best. The lights, the sounds the smells are all better during the holidays than they are all year round (I swear!!) Everything is brighter, shinier and people are happier-just go with it!!.  New York is magnetic during the holidays and no matter where in the world I am, I still feel that familiar tug at my heart back towards home when I see the first sign that the holidays are upon us.  Every year, while helping my mom to prepare the Thanksgiving feast, I would watch the Macy's parade with my brother,  my heart bursting with such adoration of this experience, that any other parade would pale dreadfully in comparison.  We always set the table with the same foods (even the cranberry sauce which we felt the need to always put out even though each and every year it would inevitably make it's way to the garbage pail untouched) and we would eat the most wonderful meal chatting and laughing, most years just us four, but the warmth and love that surrounded me at that table was something I wish I could bottle up and keep with me always.  Year after year watching Tom the Turkey flapping his awkward wings and bobbing his kooky head, the end of the parade signaled by the man in the red suit followed by the green light for everyone to officially begin their holidays and I honestly can not express how much all these little things meant to me. Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, my family would help me put up my beloved Christmas village, usually while watching Miracle on 34th street (the original of course).  We would pick a weekend soon after to pile into the car and drive up to Jones' Family Farm to cut down our Christmas tree and thinking back-the holidays were always special and just perfect in my eyes. Visiting Rockefellar Center in all it's glory, watching the ices skaters below gliding along happily and looking up at the huge lit tree and every time, I sigh to myself and think, THIS is what the holidays are all about!  So after years of trying to uphold those traditions with my children, I am finally headed back to enjoy at least Thanksgiving this year back where it all began.  I plan on doing everything that I used to do with my boys this year including taking them to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular for the first time. The greatest gift that I could receive this holiday season is being able to see the joy in their eyes that I feel in my heart-that to me would be an experience that I would remember forever.  I want them to be surrounded by the love and joy that I felt growing up and hope that they too will see nothing but twinkling perfection as they sit around a table and share a meal with their loved ones.  I hope that everyone will have a wonderful holiday season blessed with the love and togetherness of their family because after all, it is the simple things in life that bring the most joy!

I will NEVER forget, apparently some of us already have...

"... for those of us who lived through these events, 

the only marker we’ll ever need is the tick of a clock 

at the 46th minute of the eighth hour of the 11th day". 

President George W. Bush 

Ok, so don’t jump the gun and tell me I have already blogged about this (because you are PARTIALLY correct).  Ten years ago today changed everything about how a lot of us live our lives day to day. I am going to go out on a limb and say ESPECIALLY if you lived, live or have family that is in New York, Washington DC or Pennsylvania. Every time I go through security at an airport, board an airplane, see planes flying overhead, hear a loud crash, observe a person acting suspiciously (I could go on forever) I begin to feel that same panicky feeling that I did after watching the horrific events of September 11, 2001. Ten years ago today, I was an optimistic student attending college classes on a beautiful morning without a care in the world other than how far away my parking spot was on campus to my first class.  Ten years ago today I heard the events through a local disk jockey's voice thinking it was a prank.  Ten years ago today I watched as the towers crumbled and along with them all hope that our nation would ever really be “safe” again.  Ten years ago I cried, held those I loved close and prayed that we would never live through such tragedy again.  That was ten years ago.  Since 9/11, I can’t even look at the numbers 9 and 11 in succession without getting chills and a lump forming in my throat.  I, like many, never thought something like the attack on the Twin Towers could or would ever rattle the earth to its psychological core-but for many of us it did just that.  For years after 9/11 I would occasionally visit Ground Zero and through it’s many different stages of reconstruction, not even be able to fathom what it could have been like on that day-I was merely 40 miles away and it felt like another universe.  My first visit to Ground Zero was a cold dreary day.  I saw hundreds of pictures of the victims, candles, teddy bears, ribbons tied to fences and every now and then I would stop to read the gut wrenching stories of how much their families loved and missed them and couldn’t help but cry.  As I was wandering through the gloomy tribute I had mentioned to one of my family members that I wanted to buy an NYPD t-shirt...not a minute later I was approached by a police officer in uniform and asked if I wanted an NYPD t-shirt and of course I accepted his gift without a second thought. When I turned to thank him again for his generosity, he was nowhere to be seen-there was something eerily comforting about his presence and to this day I still have my suspicions about that encounter.  Year after year I would sit through the hours upon hours of the tribute from Ground Zero where they read each of the victim’s name and I would cry along with everyone else my only comfort being that this year marked one more year we had to be thankful that nothing like that has happened again. I even visited the 9/11 museum with my class of 6th graders a few years back and walking next to bent beams and crushed fire trucks could not help but let the wave of emotions come over me once again.  

Since that day ten years ago I met my wonderful husband who witnessed the attacks first hand. He was one of those people walking miles and miles covered in ash, unsure what he would find as he kept walking trying to get home that day.  He doesn’t like to talk about it and rightfully so.  The events he witnessed that day led him to change his life and devote his attention to serving his country, OUR country and with it have come some very sobering experiences on what that actually means nowadays.  Since he set out on this path, it has taken us halfway across the world, away from friends, family and the life we grew up knowing.   We have come to assimilate into a military type lifestyle where deployments are always on the horizon, time away from one another is a given and moving every 3 years is just about the only thing we have to be certain about.  

So you ask why revisit these gloomy memories and terrifying visions?  Of course I have a motive to all my madness and this time it is because I have once again been let down by some of the very people that are in place to protect our freedom and liberties. With 9/11 approaching I was perplexed when I flipped through our base’s newspaper The Coastline (Take a look: http://issuu.com/navstarota/docs/september_8__2011_coastline) and saw no reference to anything related to the topic.  Pictured on the cover was a montage of a firefighter a crumbled tower and first responders with the title “A Time of Remembrance A Time to Prepare.”  I read through the artical titles and came to the end and thought, surely I missed it!  There MUST be a section that I passed over detailing how our American troops and civilians overseas were to pay tribute to the fallen....I saw how to prepare for a tornado and hurricane, a travel section of the town just beyond the base’s gates, and “Good News! Magic American Diner Now Open Noon to Midnight.”   In disbelief I looked through the paper cover to cover a few times and then my blood began to boil.  

Proceed with extreme caution: One woman’s attempt to trick her family into a healthier lifestyle...

So it all started with yoga.  I had taken a few classes here and there at each gym I belonged to in every state we lived in...I liked it but by the time it was time for savasana (corpse pose-a pose of total relaxation when if done correctly you literally feel like your body has melted into the floor) I was already thinking about the 50 other things I needed to get to and I was stressed that the instructor wouldn’t just switch the lights back on so I could get on with my day.  That was until I finally had that “om” moment.  After moving to Spain, finding out that my ego was prego with #2 and trying to keep myself stress free I gave the base gym’s yoga class a try, all it took was one time....I was hooked.  The instructor’s voice, the music and chants she used, her sequences...the whole thing transformed me.  To the point where I was 2 days until my scheduled C-section, still attending class and loving every second of it.  Yoga class turned me on to yoga magazines, which then led to certain websites and other magazines that are featured and I was on a journey towards transforming my (and my family’s) lives from the inside out.  

It has been a VERY slow transition and one met with a little hesitation from the three males living in my house but we are getting there. My husband jokes constantly that he doesn’t want to have a label put on him and I tease him by making vegan and/or organic  dishes and only after he admits that he likes them will I divulge the ingredients (to his surprise).   I even have my 3 year old spouting words like “carrots are good for me, I am going to become big and strong” while practicing his up and down dogs ;)

I never really put much thought into what I actually put into my body for a long time. Food was nourishment, I am not picky but it seemed like every time I went to go food shop or to make dinner I was stuck in the same food rut.  We ate things we liked and that were familiar and quick to prepare (especially with two little ones that needed baths and to be in bed by a certain time).  Once we moved here and were relying on the base’s Commissary where most of the meat was vacuum packed and ones that were not were frozen...my tastes began to change and I never felt good after eating a lot of it.    My distaste for the food was followed by some VERY toxic relationships with some pretty undesirable people that I allowed into my life and after all was said and done (as my husband always says) “you can not control people’s actions” so when I was feeling all crummy on the outside I decided to start the healing process to take control of what was on the inside.

I have been on this path to take accountability for each and every thing that I, my husband and my boys eat and drink and after only a few short months of being lost in the clean/organic forest, I think I am finally making sense of our new lifestyle.  I no longer stress about Sean asking for another snack because snacks now are MUCH healthier than they were a few months ago. Even Brayden has moved to organic milk and cereal.  Don’t get me wrong, It's not like I run around preaching I stick to a 90% Organic diet and then you find me downing a pan of brownies washed down with a bottle of wine in the closet.  I am in no way a  fanatic about it (where we live doesn’t let me get to that level-though I have been having odd daydreams of singing and twirling through the aisles of Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods) but if there is an organic option-I take it but try not to make it a big deal about it.  We have cut out alcohol (other than occasional social gatherings) not that we were big drinkers to begin with but not having a beer or glass of wine with dinner leaves time (and motivation) to go for a walk or bike ride or have an impromptu family game night.  

I am loving our energy levels, how great we all feel and it has made us get so much more done.  It may just be a psychological side effect to feel good buying things labeled organic but if it is than I am just fine with that! I have learned a lot through all this and I want to share just a little of it here...treat your body as a temple (as the old saying goes).  Respect yourself both inside and out, believe that everything you put into that temple should be of great worth and utmost value and dedicate your life to caring for yourself and your loved ones in the best way you know how.  Laugh a lot, sleep enough and exercise regularly!!! Above all...remember to keep your heart happy and fulfilled and your mind positive (it may just rub off on those around you). 

Peace-Love-Namaste

Ciao~4~Now

-L

***For those of you looking to add some home yoga practice or meditation into your routine, check out MY FAVORITE relaxation/yoga/meditation music the album is called Shelter by a group named Rasa.  I was turned on to them by my massage therapist back in the States.....I PROMISE you will relax after listening to them!!!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire-Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

¹cheat verb \ˈchēt\

transitive verb

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

intransitive verb

1a : to practice fraud or trickery

b : to violate rules dishonestly

2: to be sexually unfaithful —usually used with on

3: to position oneself defensively near a particular area in anticipation of a play in that area

There is nothing I hate more in this world than liars and cheaters. I guess it comes with the territory since I am a teacher and cheating is the utmost form of disrespect to the profession. They should offer teachers hazard pay when dealing with students who cheat because (and I am sure I am not alone in this) it flicks a switch in my brain when people are being dishonest and makes me see red.

I am not saying I am Miss Goody Two Shoes but I can attest to the fact that I have never cheated academically on anything unless of course you count the time I programed some math equations into my TI82 in the 9th grade before an exam to helpme out and I still failed-I suck at math. I felt so sick about it afterwards that I never did it again...remember the old saying “cheaters never prosper.” I take it so seriously in fact-Marty McFly when Bif calls him a chicken-seriously that when my best friend accused me of cheating while playing the board game “Life” our senior year of High School...I (NOTE:REALLY IMMATURELY) flipped the game board upside down and wouldn't speak to her for a long while-we have mended our relationship since but we have come to the agreement that we will never play a board game again ;)

Recently I was asked to proctor some university exams and one of the students had asked me to just give them the exam and they would complete them on their own since that is how it had been done in the past. At fist I entertained the idea, the student after all was a “friend” of mine and I did not want to hurt their feelings however the loud obnoxious little teacher on my shoulder kept looking at me with those “you are going to regret this” eyes and I had to go with my gut. Needless to say I felt VERY uncomfortable about that request and respectfully declined. I thought that was it, end of conversation lets move on from this hiccup but then the emails started. The student was offended that I thought they were going to cheat, they don’t like people who cheat, they have never cheated before, this is how it was done in the past, they wanted to contact the university to make alternate arrangements and the list goes on.... My response to all this was that straying from the instructions on the exams (which I would be signing off on) was not an option for me and that I would be flexible as far as day, time and location go, I would prefer to actually proctor the exams as defined by the university’s guidelines. It still did not stop at this but I had to rationalize my decision over and over again and became increasingly frustrated that someone I considered a friend would even think to put me in such an uncomfortable position first off and secondly actually make me feel like I was the one who was doing something wrong by not being willing to allow them to cheat-and no matter how you spin it, violating the rules dishonestly in any way is in fact cheating. I have lost a friendship over this but I am proud that I have stuck to my morals, ethics and values. I have worked too hard to become a teacher and sacrificed too much to allow one decision to come back and haunt me in any way. I would like to hear any thoughts you have on my decision-did I take the rules too seriously or would you have done the same?

“Make New Friends, But Keep The Old...One Is Silver And The Other Gold...”

I know that I have blogged about friendship before but that was of the virtual kind. I am not sure what it is...maybe it is my generation, maybe it is my pick up and move every three years lifestyle, maybe it is the dwindling attention spans, lack of feelings of empathy for other humans or down right self centeredness of people I meet but why is it so damn hard to find a genuine friend in this day and age?? I am not talking about the “have known one another since we were three, finish one another’s sentences and call just to talk about nothing type of friend” I have one of those and her friendship means the world to me and I value it above all else (even if I don’t tell her that-it’s true). Nor am I referring to the ones that you don’t need to talk to once a week or even once a month but when you see them even after a long absence things pick up right where they last left off. However, since my early years it is sad to say but I have only come a cross a small handful of truly wonderful friendships that I would say will stand the test of time and distance...it used to frustrate me to think that I was not surrounded by a huge group of friends at all times but now I am starting to see why I have chosen to limit my circle.

“An individual’s self-concept is the core of his personality”

If you know me, you know ME. That is it...plain and simple. I don't have a Bruce Wayne/Batman cool super secret personality that comes out in front of some and changes depending on my audience. I am an open (maybe not THAT open), honest and tell it like it is type of person-it has gotten me into trouble with people who can’t handle my lack of ability to sugar coat anything...though sugar may taste better who does it really ever benefit in the end?? I know who I am, I know what I want out of life & relationships and I really could care less what gets in my way-that scares people.

“Cause it’s 1, 2, 3 strikes your out...”

I would like to think that I give people and relationships an infinite number of chances to thrive and succeed but who am I kidding? I tend to think that if I were a superhero, my ability would be a ridiculously accurate judge of character. I always lived my life according to Mother Theresa’s words... “If you judge people you have no time to love them” and it is true I have made judgements on people BEFORE getting to know them better and I have been completely wrong about the person I thought they were. On the other hand If I have given a person some time, established a relationship with them and the alarm bells keep going off...I have learned to go with my gut and tap out before it is too late.

“Be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.”

I remember when I was younger my mom always used to warn me that you are who you surround yourself with. I blew that off because...well because I was dumb. When you get caught up in relationships and you start to loose your way and not like who you are becoming there is a very simple solution...choose a different path. It is ok not to be the center of attention, the life of the party and the cool kid anymore...we are adults. Some people live their life in a never-ending popularity contest...honestly who are you trying to impress? Personally I don’t care what you have, what you are buying and what you paid for it. I think it is ok not to get fall down black out drunk and have to take a cab home when you have children waiting (and depending on you) to be a functioning parent. It is also ok to actually WANT to spend time with just your husband or just your family. You don’t always need to be livin’ it up to be relevant. “If you need a dose of being present, spend time with a child. They are the masters & the very best teachers.”

“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”

Upon listening to a story a person was telling me not too long ago they came to a part where the bottom line was something like “well I asked her if I was being a bitch and she said ‘yes’ CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?” My next string of questions should have been “well were you being a bitch and if you truly feel that you weren’t then why ask in the first place, and if you felt that you were then why get mad for hearing the truth?” Why can’t people face honesty?? This is one thing I just can not wrap my head around. It is perhaps the most annoying human attribute and what is even MORE annoying is that I am guilty of it too!!! When someone has done something to hurt, offend or displease you why not be honest and tell them as soon as it happens? Why do we play things off like they are no big deal, when they are?? And by doing this we then harbor resentment, hurt feelings and then misinterpret EVERYTHING that people say and do until either one of two things happen...you blow up over something else and everything comes out (and probably in a less than eloquent way) OR you just fade out of the friendship so as to not have to discuss the original issue that hurt you in the first place. I have taken both roads...neither one is pretty but I need to follow my own advice and not be shy about telling people when they have done something to hurt, bother, offend or otherwise bother me, a family member or another friend of mine. Which leads me to my next point...

“Who gossips with you will gossip of you”

You know when you just know that things are being said behind your back regardless of how harmless they are? Example... that in no way is meant to represent any characters or events real or fictional...like if I was to bring something (or someone) up and a friend blurts something out that they wouldn’t have known about if it weren’t for another friend “discussing” the matter with them...conveniently when you weren’t there to take part in this discussion?? I don’t like people talking negatively about me (I think anyone can agree with that...I don’t really care personally what is said but it is just not nice- for a lack of a better term). What makes me even more angry is when people talk about friends of mine who have done so much for me and my family whom they may have offended by being inappropriate and then turned around and had a laugh or two at other people’s expense. It is a strange dynamic (gossip that is) when people can freely say what and how they feel to everyone else except the person it pertains to and then go on to be around the same people all the time and pretend like none of it happened until they are once again not around. Perhaps the most perplexing factor of this entire world of gossip is that if it comes out of your mouth it WILL undoubtedly reach the ear of the person that it is being said about-this is the one guarantee that I am 100% sure of no matter where you live. Is it we are afraid of hurting the person? Maybe...but wouldn't it feel a heck of a lot better hearing something directly from that person and not from two or three others and then getting back to you? I have somehow stepped back into a High School telephone game but this time I am not an insecure-teenager with hours to spend playing things over and over in my head and talking it out with people and messaging people and listening to each side of the story and “posting” things for attention...I am a wife and a mother of two who doesn’t find any of this cute or fun anymore. Again...the non confrontational part of me is a culprit of this insane dynamic have I gossiped? Yes. Have I enabled friends to gossip in front of me? Yes. Have I bought into it? Yes. l am ashamed at the point at which I allowed my judgment to become so clouded but I have vowed from this day forward I am done not sticking up for my own feelings and those of people I care about.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Ciao 4 Now

~L

Not Just Another (desperate) Housewife...

So it is 5:00 AM here in Spain and I have been up for the last 2 hours tossing and turning thoughts churning in my head and lines to be added to this blog swimming into my subconscious. Rather than try to force the thoughts out of my head and return to sleep, I had to get up and write. In all honesty I never thought I would (nor did I want to) blog about this topic because it is one of a great deal of frustration and has caused me a great number of hours of stress and angst but the blog that I had originally planned to write later today was cut in line by this open can of worms.

So as you all know we live overseas. When we heard the news that we would be moving to the sunny south of Spain the Mr. and I were nothing short of elated. Visions of sun, sand, and surf were dancing in my head and all I could hear as the upcoming soundtrack of our life was flamenco music interrupted by the occasional “Ole!” If you know us, we are big on travel and culture so when we got here I was excited to experience all of the traveling and culturing along with making some new friends in what seemed like a small, close knit American military community plopped here in Europe.

Growing up in a non-military lifestyle, living in the same town amongst the same people for the first 25 years of my life, the thought of a military life seemed nothing short of foreign to me. My dad served in the Army overseas before I was born. That is where he met my mother (which now after living here I understand that her title would have been “local national” as viewed by the military) and after years of reliving the glory days with my brother and I, through stories about the things they did and people they are still connected with through the experience of living overseas, you can just tell it was something that he holds dear to his heart. It is like the times when someone tells you about something hysterical that happened but you just can’t appreciate it unless you were there and with your own eyes saw the 8 people stuffed into a car the size of a mini-cooper chugging it’s way up a steep hill. I expected this to be our chance at creating those glory days as well.

Things were great when we moved here, we moved into a ginormous house steps from the beach, we began planning trips everywhere we could find a flight to and we lazily enjoyed Spanish food and drink while overlooking the lapping waves at sunset thinking “how did we get this lucky?” After a few weeks of “settling in” it was time to get back into action....I had things to do, people to meet and places that I wanted to go. I started pulling job announcements from the Human Resources Office, I enrolled Sean into the Child Development Center, I signed myself up for various volunteer programs and was at the same time trying to set up playgroups with other moms from this community. This is where you can cue the crickets......

Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase wore off and I started to notice tiny cracks in our perfect little Spanish picture. Be it that I did not grow up having an affiliation with a military base or maybe it is because I had a very sudden lifestyle change but I would be remiss if I did not express my extreme disappointment and frustration with the services that are provided not being properly provided to what I feel is an extremely in need community.

I get it....we are not military. If you know what my husband does for a living (and believe me even I don’t know most of what he does) you understand why we have a hard time making (and keeping) military friends. We just don’t fit in to the traditional military community and at his last duty assignment it didn’t really make a difference since we lived in Massachusetts. I was teaching and he was working and at the end of the day we both came home and we had (with the exception of a few great people) our own friends and own life that was completely separate from the base. The base, for us, was just the place that we both happened to work.

I remember the first time I had to drive by myself on to the base...I literally cried when the gate guard asked me to put on my seatbelt. I was the most ridiculously anxious wreck when I first had to be there for any reason...visions of swat teams pulling me over and helicopters with men in their gear repelling off of lines and landing on my car constantly came to mind. I was responsible for a military id card that people kept asking to see!! When seeing people in uniform, I was completely overwhelmed!! If you know me (or the base we were at) you are sure to be erupting into fits of laughter right now, nestled into the beautiful suburbs of Massachusetts in one of the most quaint little towns where one of the most picturesque autumns can be experienced and I am worried about being hunted down fugitive-style. I digress, but those were happy days!! In hindsight we were so lucky to be in such a beautiful place with so much to see and do and we took it all for granted!!

Back to Spain....fast forward about 18 months from when we got here and I have been tirelessly fighting the good fight for the past few months with little change and absolutely no satisfaction. Since we have been here, childcare has been cut, the kennels have been shut down,most of the “family-friendly” gym classes have been cancelled, I have been passed up for several jobs that I am completely overqualified for and to top it all off when these issues have been brought up in the proper arena, I was basically looked at like I gave away some sort of secret that should have been kept under wraps. One of those “you are asking questions WAY above your pay-grade” moments.

My assumption when coming to live overseas (whether as a military family, a department of defense civilian family or those who are hired as contractors) is that the base that you are affiliated with should be responsible for providing their community with most (if not all) of the conveniences that you would ordinarily have when living in the States. I was shocked to find out that not only it is not their duty to provide any of these services but in my most recent experience there doesn't seem to have to be an explanation of why. It is as if a child asked something of a parent who answered “no” and the child asks “but why?” and the parent answered “because I said so.” It was one of those tell tale non-answers. By the way “this is a Spanish base” and “because our website is outdated” and all the other brush off responses I have gotten are NOT good enough reasons for why the American programs are not supporting the needs of the American families living here. I was told in a meeting yesterday, that “needs come in waves” and that the lack of childcare, lack of fitness options for those of us who do not have childcare and the reluctance towards letting those of us who are stepping up to bat come together as a community to help one another out was “temporary.” To that I have to just laugh....temporary. If you have the pleasure of living your life as I do, in three year increments, you would know that EVERYTHING is temporary. Your house is temporary, your job is temporary and sad to say but in some cases even your friendships are temporary. I am saddened to say that in my opinion, the families stationed here that are working to ensure our country’s safety and security are being grossly neglected. Many of us are (as a result of deployments or TDY’s-work travel) are acting as single parents. Many of us are with our children 24 hours a day 7 days a week without fail. Many of us need an option of social interaction that is sometimes outside of the realm of Sesame Street and playdoh. Many of us have voiced our needs and have yet to find the ear that is willing to hear us. Many of us have sacrificed a great deal to support our spouses and the lifestyle that supporting our spouses has inevitably caused. Many of us have given up well paying careers, well established support systems and well deserving indulgences to come to find out that we have basically been sentenced to three years of solitary confinement in a foreign country.

I have been insulted on so many levels by so many people here that look at me and treat me as just another stay at home mom. From the job interview in which the interviewer suggested to maybe “look into taking a few courses” in Early Childhood Ed. (not knowing that in a shocking turn of events I am the professor of those very courses she is suggesting I take), to the informational packets that I prepare to bring to a meeting in which the point of my very attendance was not even a factor, to the lack of maturity and professionalism with interactions from people who hold “important” positions that just wouldn’t fly “on the outside” (as I like to call it). I have interacted with people in “important” positions here that I wonder-who’s a** did you have to kiss to get this job? Especially the ones who hold leadership positions that they are not qualified for. Lack of experience, lack of education and overall lack of competence play NO determining factor in people being placed in positions of “power.” You may notice my use of quotations when using words like important or power, I am not doing this to be facetious I am just so tired being judged, quieted and spoken down to by people who have no idea of what holding a real position out in the real world is like. I can’t fault them for thinking that this is the real world-they obviously know no other way.

On the outs...in my experience, your education, professionalism and empathy play a very large role in your success when working with people. I will use an analogy based on education practices since that is what I know best...If a district decides to cut funding for their early childhood program and their fitness program and there are major changes that are expected to effect the community, they better be ready to defend their position at the next board meeting to angered families and community members. If the district starts fielding questions from community members and reaches a point where they just don’t have the answers to the hard hitting questions, there is NO WAY they would be able to step away from the public forum to discuss the changes in private with only some community members, making meaningless empty promises of change when their plan of action has already been agreed upon behind closed doors so that they can just buy themselves some time and get these people “of their back”. It just doesn’t happen that way....the issues don't just go away because you pawned them off to a proverbial tail chase. Come May (as anyone that has taught would know) when the budget vote season is thrust upon the district....you can be sure that those angry community members will be be back, and they will be lining up at the polls.

I know that it is only because we are here that we run into these issues, I am jealous of friends who are also based overseas but have the complete opposite experience where they are. I would like, just once for the people who are making these decisions to actually weigh in with the community that they are supposed to be serving and assess the need-think back to a basic lesson on supply and demand!! As for all of us out there that have taken a hit to our moral because our welfare is not being maintained through various recreational and support programs...I can only hope that change comes soon....even if it is only temporary.

Ciao for Now

~L

This Day in History...

8:46 AM September 11, 2001.

Be it that I am from New York, 8:46 AM is the time that above all other ticks on the clock- our world stood still. Sitting in my car, in a parking lot, enjoying my Dunkin Donuts coffee, feeling lucky that I got a close parking space to my first college class of the day and listening to my favorite radio morning show on the most beautiful, sunny day-the world changed in a split second. The radio DJ in the midst of some bit, starts yelling that something happened to one of the towers. It looked (at the time) like an explosion. Knowing that their studios on-looked the World Trade Center (but also knowing how they LOVE a good prank) I thought they were joking....I flipped around stations and heard nothing and flipped back and angrily thought “not funny.”

I got out of my car, went to class and not one person said a single thing about what I thought was a dumb joke being played by goofy disc jockeys. It was not until someone mentioned something to our clueless professor that she tried to get a TV into our room and then dismissed us moments later. We rushed in droves to any place on campus that had a television tuned into the news. We all looked on in horror as the smoke billowed out of those buildings as if watching a movie with frighteningly realistic special effects. I remember trying to call my parents-my mom working for the airlines back then, my dad being a local firefighter...worrying that I couldn’t get through to either of them like so many of us that had lost cell phone services that day. Not knowing what to do or where to go or where my parents were, I spent the rest of the day at a then-boyfriend’s house glued to the TV with waves of shock, nausea and overwhelming emotion coming over me. I remember sitting on the road in my car in the longest lines of traffic not knowing what was going to happen next, visions of the smoke clouds and crumbling towers haunting my ride.

Now, almost ten years later, I woke up to breaking news...Osama bin Laden DEAD. Watching the crowds celebrating in both New York and DC while sitting in my living room in Spain- I broke down into tears. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears for the families of people who were lost in the towers, tears of anger that it took this long, tears that it finally happened, tears of the memories that are forever imprinted, tears.

On this past Friday night I was participating in The American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life and when it came time to honor those we have lost, Amazing Grace was being played by bagpipes and the names were solemnly being read off. It threw me right back to year after year of watching the 9-11 memorials. Odd that the same night I was having these flashbacks, surrounded by our military members and their families, our President was signing off on this operation. Though I am sad that I am far away from home, I am grateful that I live amongst the brave men and women who risk their lives for us to be able to celebrate days like today.

Thank you to our military. Thank you to our intelligence agencies. Thank you to our government. Perhaps, most importantly thank you to those faithful few who made this day one to remember for a positive reason. I know that what happened today will not solve our problems, however; for those of us who lived through it and were touched by it it gives a small sense of closure to a horrible time in our country's history.

9-11 We will NEVER forget!

~L